I find more interest in understanding the histories of other races and ethnicities than the history of my own people. Why is that?
Part of it may be because Asian American and Chinese American stories are not told in the way that Hispanic American and Black American stories are told. We are a pretty quiet people. I wonder if that’s more of a good, bad, or neutral thing. By not exploring my ancestry, I am matching the conformity that Asians have sought in America. There was a time when we were the group that was victim to violence and discrimination. It may have been an opportune time to tell our stories then, and we did. Now, when we are considered the myth that is “model minorities” and when we are accepted to a certain degree, exploring our histories seems backwards to our broader goal of acceptance and unfortunately what has also become conformity.
On top of this is the general experience that a lot of traditional Chinese families don’t talk in depth or ask questions. What is passed on to you is passed on to you. Maybe I’m just being Chinese in the way I was taught to be Chinese.
Another reason may be because I have distanced myself from my Chinese identity. I don’t know if it’s because of American culture, or if it’s because of my unpleasant childhood. I wonder if understanding my people more and learning of their struggles will create greater conflict inside of me. Maybe I am trying to avoid this conflict until a later date — I have a handful of books on the Cultural Revolution in China and the beginning of Chinatowns and Chinese people in America. Am I American? Am I Chinese? And perhaps more importantly, is it okay to break down the barrier I have created between myself and the line to my Chinese ancestry (aka, my parents who I do not have the best relationship with)? If I allow for greater empathy for my people, will it put me in danger of being further emotionally or psychologically-harmed by my parents?
And then followed my ruminations on American white people. I wonder if American culture is so work/career/goal-focused because America has no other culture to look back to and lean on. Its beginnings are founded on the oppression of other people, and that is not something you can be proud to celebrate, unless of course you are among the Ku Klux Klan or whatever other underground organizations are out there.
While Chinese Americans celebrate our various cultural traditions, white Americans can only celebrate… Christmas? A holiday with origins from before colonization. Thanksgiving? A holiday that we are constantly rethinking due to the bloodied truth of the “celebration.” Perhaps America is too young to have “traditions” that feel authentic.
She suggested people create a menu inspired by their heritage — smoked fish from Norway, mole from Mexico. “Think of the foods that are actually representative to who you are,” she said, and “actually bringing your own identity into this holiday.”
So I ask, what is the cultural ancestry and identity of white Americans who are not connected to their ancestral identities pre-colonization of the Americas? Is it literature, cinema, sports? Fried foods and burgers? Capitalism? Is it the individualistic and workaholic culture that is embedded in our systems? Is it modernity? Is it ambiguity? Is it constantly evolving due to our breadth of and ongoing shifts in demographics? Is our culture still being made? Is our culture the struggle to co-exist with various backgrounds and beliefs?
Does it need to be defined? Does it feel like it needs to be defined because, comparatively, others have deeper ancestral backgrounds? If you are a white American, please share your thoughts. What does culture, ancestry, and identity mean to you, and what does it look like? I would like to understand.
I wonder if these questions are also relevant for all younger generation Americans where, whether we are white or colored, whatever cultural identity we may have is susceptible to being diluted (and probably already is diluted) by whatever it means to be American.
